I’m struggling with something deeply troubling and need some advice. I’m a 26 year old woman who recently moved in with my aunt and her family last December after landing a job nearby. I’ve been living with them for several months now and something has happened that I never thought I’d find myself in. A while back I started feeling really lonely and frustrated. I had been trying to get close to a guy I liked, but he didn’t feel the same way about me. To make matters worse, my boyfriend at the time broke up with me out of the blue. I felt so rejected and hurt, and I didn’t have anyone to turn to for comfort. Being single and not having anyone to be intimate with only added to my frustration. Then one day something happened that I still can’t fully understand. My aunt’s 7 year old son was hanging around and I don’t know why or how, but things took a turn. I was feeling incredibly lonely and needy and he was there always seeking my attention and wanting to play. At first, it was innocent. He would sit close to me while I watch TV or bring me his toys to show me. But one day, out of sheer desperation and longing for some kind of connection, I let him lick me in a way that no child should ever be asked to do. I’m not proud of what happened and I know it’s wrong. It’s not that I want to do anything more than this. I would never think of sleeping with him or doing anything that could physically hurt him. I know he’s just a child and I’ve tried to justify it in my head by telling myself that it’s not harming him. He seems fine, even eager at times to be around me and do what I ask. But deep down I know this isn’t right. I know I’m taking advantage of his innocence because I’m desperate for some form of intimacy and comfort and it’s tearing me apart inside. I can’t help but think about the effect this could have on him in the future. I wonder if it will confuse him or if it might harm him psychologically. He’s so young and doesn’t understand what’s really going on. Sometimes I tell myself this will be the last time, but every time I find myself alone and feeling that emptiness, I end up calling him over again. It’s like he’s getting used to it too because he keeps finding ways to be near me and lick me again. I know this is not normal and I know I need to stop, but I don’t know how. The guilt and shame are eating me alive, but the loneliness is too. I’m scared for him and what this might do to his future, but I also can’t seem to stop myself. I don’t want to harm him and I’m really worried about what might happen if I keep this up. I know I need help, but I’m afraid of what people might think.